Sue for a Sneaker!

There are two ways to look at the texting teen incident.  (A teen was texting and managed to fall into a sewer through an open manhole.)

1. The teen should have been paying attention and noticed the giant hole in the middle of her path.

2. The feds should have made sure it was impossible to fall into the hole, and the teen was obviously a victim of governmental dysfunction. She should therefore sue.

The general populous is *not* opting for option 1. Imagine that. Anyway, the mother of the oh so blighted girl is planning on taking option 2 and suing the pants off of everyone even remotely responsible for this. The problem? She doesn’t have any grounds. Her current idea is to sue on the ‘grossness’ factor. I have a better idea. Sue for a sneaker!

But of course, there is no point in having only one sneaker. So sue for a brand new pair. And you can never replace the emotional attachment between a girl and her sneaker, so sue for a couple new pairs every year until she finds one with which she can bond…But this will take time! So sue for all the time that Alexa will lose trying on shoes. This should all add up to about 65 million dollars, right Roy Pearson*?

*Roy Pearson was the guy who sued for $65 million over a pair of lost pants. And there wasn’t even a grossness factor!


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