Presenting The Other Side

To my fellow Libertarians: This is decently amusing.

To the people who read my blog who aren’t Libertarians (no idea why you read my blog, by the way. I probably routinely offend you. But thanks!!): I figure I should present the other side at times, for risk of being a hypocrite (I *may* be more biased than CNN).

Without further ado, a defense of Universal Health Care, by Fabian Marxist G.O.D:

If every human being is subjected to the fungal foot of an overbearing government-that is to say, any government, the social contract- the bond that exists between citizen and state, ensures that the puny human be looked after to some degree. The human is ruled and subjected to law and ordinance, sensible or not, and in turn is granted rights that the government must look to. These rights include the trivial right to assembly and freedom of worship to the more serious, like, the right to justice and defense in times of national crisis.

Unfortunately, many smug bourgeois (a la MarinaLee), don’t care to recognize the prerequisite to all of these rights: the right to health care. The human body is the medium by which most human beings live.  Living is a function that allows them to enjoy such things as life, liberty, and pursuing epinepheral pleasure. One of the most prestigious governments around by many standards, the United States guarantees the rights that the body may enjoy, but fails to explain how in hell a body may do that when it’s discovered that it’s pushing dandelions.

So here’s an idea: The only way that the rights that a government “ensures” may be enjoyed is if the body is able to receive those rights. The body must be in working, living condition to do so, so Universal Health Care is an implied right.

To some extent, the government of the United States and most governments in this wide world of ours already ensures many forms of preventive health care. Clean water, sewers, eugenics programs… oh wait we quit that, fire departments, and the police department all work to protect the human body. This is all commonplace and expected. A government without these services would be considered backwards, not providing for an essential human right. So why does the government provide these services? To ensure that the humans’ bodies are able to enjoy the other rights. A human can’t be expected to be pursuing anything other than water while on fire, so the government sends out men to extinguish fires, and allow the flamers to pursue their marriag… happiness. So since it is already easily demonstrable that the government should protect bodies from filthy water, feces, fire and fuckers with guns, why not finish protecting the bodies? By not taking care of the body through and through, the government is doing as much a half ass job as Michael Jackson’s heart. Perhaps it is that people aren’t romantic enough. If I cannot see a virus, then surely, it must not exist? I can feel a fire, I can see the dirty water, and those problems must be taken care of. But… a virus? And what is this I hear about Cancer? You say my cells are regenerating too quickly… and this is bad? Obviously no one thinks this way, but the point is that viruses and cancer and all these other health problems can pose just as much a problem as fire. The whole concept of a government looking after its people sans heath care is comparable to a mother smothering her kids in sunscreen at the beach only to let them be eaten by a shark.

Now, obviously any Universal Health Care system in the United States would be bitchy and expensive, and would probably suck nuts. Still, that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try. 500 years ago people didn’t have the greatest sewer systems, but they were working on it. They didn’t have the best technology to put out fires and stuff, but they put forth an effort, and now  it works out in a cost effective manner. When a system works, no one bitches about the gargantuan government invading on the private  industry. We may not see a good universal health care system in this generation or the next, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.

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