Oops

Well, it’s been…yet another year. >.> I’ve decided that this blog just ins’t serving it’s purpose anymore. Whenever I’ve got something to say about politics, I’ll say it here. However, if I do any regular posting, it’s going to be at my new site: memarinalee.wordpress.com. That blog is about my life. So check it out!

Hi Again!

Hi! So yesterday I received my debit card statement, and noticed a rather large item from a company I didn’t immediately recognize. I called them, and found out that I had set my domain name for this site to auto renew. So in the interest of getting my money’s worth, I figured that I had to start posting again

So let’s see. Well, today’s my birthday! I’m 18. I registered to vote in the midterm election, but due to some sort of error I’ve actually got to go stand in line at the polling center, which I suppose is something that everyone should experience at least once anyway. I’m rather excited. Not at all sure what I’m going to do about the RIDICULOUS governor situation though. Maybe I’ll post about that later.

As for the future of this blog: I shaved my head, so I’m going to have to redo the banner. And since nothing else about this blog demands that it has to be strictly political, I might increase the scope a little bit. Politics, my life, random thoughts…I’ll try to keep it interesting.

What else happened today…hmm…Oh!  My sister’s cancer treatment hit the $300,000 mark!  This is why insurance is good. Go out and buy some.

So, there you have it, my first post in nearly half a year, and a breif update on my life.

PS

I got a really awesome 18th birthday present from my aunt, here’s a picture

She sent me that, framed! John Galt! Calling!  !!!! On mine it has the number, but I don’t trust all of you internet folk not to go and call it, so it’s censored here :)

South Park and Hybrid Cars

In one of my favorite South Park episodes, the High School Musical one, the boys have the following conversation:

Kyle: What happened? I thought you were going to kill yourself.

Cartman: I tried. Went to sleep in my mom’s car in the garage with the engine turned on.

Stan: But you didn’t die?

Cartman: Freaking hybrids man. They just don’t do the trick anymore.

When I first heard this, I couldn’t stop laughing. A couple weeks later in my AP Enviro class (which I am actually starting to like, despite it’s being nicknamed AP Flaming Liberal), we watched the movie Who Killed the Electric Car?.

At the end, our teacher showed us some nifty charts. Going from an internal combustion engine to a hybrid electric car reduces carbon monoxide emissions by all of one percent. (If you don’t believe my recollection of the movie you can check out page four of this site, but I swear I take killer notes.) This means that if poor Cartman had really locked himself in the garage with a hybrid, he would have died from carbon monoxide poisoning.

Epic fail, South Park creators. I might just email you

This Isn’t About That

You know exactly what I’m talking about. That giant bill…passed…but I’m not going to mention it. I’m probably going to be the only blogger in the country who doesn’t, but I’m not going to. In fact, I’m going to pretend it didn’t happen. I’m also going to pretend that my sister doesn’t have cancer. I’m sure that both of these endeavors are going to go incredibly well. ;D

So, while we aren’t talking about That, let’s talk about oranges. Today, I found a shape in my orange. I can’t exactly explain what it is, but it was inside the orange, next to the juicy pieces. It looks kind of like a dried fruit. Smells like a tangerine.  Exciting, no? I wish it looked like Jesus. I’d be rich by now.

 That’s the thing. Think it looks like a moon?

Well, that’s it for today. If you do want to talk about That, check out  this or that or even this  or pretty much the internet in general

Sorry for the somber tone! If it’s really bugging you, write a rhetorical analysis.

Militant, The Sell Out

Militant, I know that you have higher ratings than I, and that this leaves me in no position to criticize. However, I have watched as your blog became less and less militant. It started with an all black theme. Then, it switched to soothing shades of blue. Now it looks like…a website who’s end should not be .org, but .gov. *Gasp*

So in the interest of preserving your mode of defy-the-system protest, I am not going to change the URL for your site on my blogroll, thus forcing everyone who wants to view your cursed blog to click an extra time before reaching your site. This may not sound like much, but O! it will add up. Mwahaha!

For old time’s sake, I will link to your new blog here. But only for old time’s sake.

http://militantlibertarian.org/

Militant, we will miss you.

Ron Paul (who is NOT a Libertarian) and the Conservatives

As I’m sure that you’ve all heard by now, Ron Paul won the Conservative Political Action Conference Straw Poll. If you’re wondering, yes, this is the same Ron Paul who pronounced that he wanted to eliminate the IRS, the Department of Education, the UN, and pretty much any other governmental or nongovernmental organization you can think of to a live audience on the Colbert Report last year.

Click to see the interview with Colbert

At 4:20, Colbert asks Ron to put his hand down when he mentions an organization that he would not want to abolish. Ron’s hand stays up the entire time, though he lowers it slightly for UNICEF.

To me, like to Colbert, Ron Paul is something of an enigma. He isn’t your typical conservative, with his low value of safety and military spending. However, he is also not a libertarian, as he is very much a social conservative, no matter what he tries to call himself.

Whatever Ron Paul is, there is something he very clearly isn’t. He is not the GOP’s 2012 nomination for President.  Go ahead. I dare you to cry Straw Poll.

In fact, the CPAC Straw Poll is very rarely accurate. It is taken at a convention that only die hards attend, and at this, only the die hards of the die hards actually vote. This is because voting at the convention is completely optional. This year, only about 2,000 of the 10,ooo conservatives present chose to vote. At any rate, Ron Paul shouldn’t be getting his hopes up.

Another Fallback Option

In my last post, I found out that I have a fallback option if college falls through, namely becoming a ChaCha Guide. I have since realized that I have yet another fallback option! I think I would be a very successful hobo. Here I am, practicing.

Your Mobile Bff

ChaCha claims to be a revolutionary service that will answer any question you ask, from what is cytoplasm? to how many calories are in a Budweiser? for free. The unmentioned caveat is that they also send you obnoxious targeted ads. The even less advertised caveat is that they are often WRONG.

This screen shot from the ChaCha archives shows someone asking the question, What song says all the boys want to touch my junk? and ChaCha replies “My Humps” by the Black Eyed Peas. The proper answer is “Tik Tok,” by Ke$ha.  Now whatever you think of the song, (it rhymes crunk with drunk) ChaCha definitely missed the mark, reminding us, once again, that there is no such thing as a free lunch.

So who are these infallible genii who answer questions? Well, they are Guides. ChaCha has very, very strict requirements to become a Guide.

ChaCha Guides must be 18+ years old, fluent in English, and have a U.S. mailing address.

Well, if I don’t get into college, at least I have a fall back option.

In defense of ChaCha, at least you get what’s advertised. I don’t know about you, but my Bff wouldn’t have answered this question right, either.

The Devil, Obama, and Haiti (Satire)

Trying to ease his boredom, an American man turns on his television. Unfortunately for him, he finds that some fool has left it on a news channel. The man falls asleep. He has not turned off his television. The horrors of everyday life unfold on the Sony – KDL-52XBR9 – 52″ LCD TV – 1080p that dominates his living room, as a woman named Katrina Olberman explains the truth of what was once believed to be the result of two tectonic plates colliding.

Anchor: Last year, the world was stunned when a poor uneducated Negro was elected to be President of the United States. This year, the Devil was stunned by the same announcement. Reporter Katrina Olberman with MSNBS is live as the action unfolds.

Katrina: Well, right now all of the details are just starting to straighten out. It seems that last night, at approximately 4:53 PM, the Devil knocked down the country of Haiti for failing to fulfill the terms of a pact. However, the Devil has now found out that he “hath smitten the wrong country.” He is about to deliver his public apology.

Devil: I would like to extend my formal condolences to the people of Haiti, if there are any left. I realize now that it was not one of your citizens who failed to recognize the terms of an agreement, but rather an American who looks, I swear, just like you guys. I now know that I should have done more research before releasing my wrath on a poor unsuspecting country, but in all due fairness, I was only, like, 300 miles off. In order to compensate for the damages, I am going to stop my gradual warming of the earth in your area. Thank You.

Katrina: Who is this contract making American? I have no idea. Elijah in the newsroom has the details, and an exclusive with the devil himself.

Elijah: When I arrived on the planet–cough–United States last week, I decided to join MSNBS in their search to find the American with enough audacity to make a deal with the Devil. Luckily for America, He has been found. The man who the Devil assumed was a Haitian is none other than Barack Obama, crusader and personal mascot of our Network. It seems that the Devil made the common mistake of thinking that the only minority in America was the Jew, and so figured that Obama must have been Haitian based on his dark, ebony, smooth, silky skin tone.

Devil: He does have very nice skin.

Elijah: Yes, yes he does.

The viewer rolls over, landing on the remote and changing the channel. He is once again unfortunate enough to land on the news. This time Faux News reporter Sara Palin is interviewing Pat Robertson, made famous for declaring that Haiti’s doom was brought about by their dealings with the Devil in the early 1800’s.

Palin: So do you feel vindicated, Mr. Robertson, knowing that your theory was correct?

Robertson: Well thanks Sarah, but you know, I wasn’t completely correct. It was Obama who made a deal with the Devil, not Haiti. And it wasn’t God who destroyed Haiti, but rather the Devil himself.

Palin: Right….

Robertson: It seems that the Devil agreed to help Obama get elected on the grounds that he destroy America as quickly and efficiently as possible. All was going according to plan. The stimulus passed, and it looked like the Health Care Reform Plan would as well. But then, when Mr. Brown was elected in Massachusetts–

Palin: Bless you!

Robertson: Sarah, Massachusetts is–

Palin: Bless you!

Robertson: …Anyway, the Devil became very frustrated. So, in order to punish Obama for failing to doom America, he destroyed what he thought was his native country.

Palin: … … … … Oh you’re done? We’ll be right back.

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Advertisement: There comes a time in every mans life when it becomes difficult for him to ‘be fruitful and multiply.’ Fulfill God’s wishes with Viagra, only $99.99.

The viewer wakes up. He is still bored, and has rolled into some cheese dip that is now saturating his pants. Unwilling to take a shower, the viewer fast-forwards his life all the way until 2012. He has forgotten to change the channel, and this time must endure the O’ Really Show.

O’Really: Let’s take a look at that clip.

Devil: Thank you America! I would like to accept the presidential nomination at this Democratic National Convention in San Juan and to congratulate Puerto Rico for their long awaited statehood. I promise that I will get health care reform passed!

O’Really: Well personally, I think he’s doing a great job taking the initiative here. I’ve always said, if you want something done, you’ve got to do it yourself. But of course, my opinion isn’t the only opinion. What do you think Monica?

Hot Blonde Lawyer: I’m going to agree with Bill on this one.

O’Really: Susan?

Hot Brunette Lawyer: Well I think—

O’Really: Oh Really??

The viewer notices that the cheese dip is now all over his body. He begins to feel short of breath. He thinks about calling an ambulance, but decides to change the channel.

Elijah: Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-… That’s all, folks!!

The viewer dies of cancer. The cheese dip laughs.

That’s What You Get For Waking Up in Denver

Last night, my dad and I finally managed to get back from DC around 11. Then there was the hard part. Fighting our way in to our house. You see, when we went to the airport about 5 days ago, it was 60 degrees outside. My dad therefore decided we should take his car. It looks something like this…

Anyway, we had a hard time getting up the driveway. But we finally did, blasted up the heat so the pipes wouldn’t freeze, made sure the bird was still alive, and went to sleep. The next morning, we woke up to this headline.

Denver Water to Hike Rates 13% in Denver

Now you might think that my snow stuffed brain is exaggerating the importance of this headline. I mean, who really cares about a slight increase in water prices? Obviously not me, as I’m not paying the bills…yet. But the problem isn’t the fact that our water prices are going up, the problem is *why* the prices are going up.

If you read the article in the Denver Post (our ONLY newspaper…sigh) it says that the prices are increasing for some  ‘projects’. This is a blatant lie. The reason that water prices are going up is because people are using less water. And why are people using less water? Because Denver Water ran a giant  water conservation campaign, even winning an award for the brilliant billboards (pictured here) that they used to convince people to buy less water. I’m not even kidding. I’m also not a conspiracy theorist. So let’s assume, best-case scenario, that Denver Water has been planning to raise their rates for a long time, and that it has nothing to do with the fact that they have a self-induced shortage of revenue. Fine. The fact remains that the way Denver Water thanks people for meeting their water conservation goals is to raise their rates. Denver water is essentially saying “Great Job Guys!!! We’re going to give you all a present. It’s called ‘more expensive bills.’ Enjoy!”

Humph. It’s things like this that give environmentalists a bad reputation. Oh well. At least Colorado isn’t a Democratic state…wait. Never mind.